Picking Your Battles: In Defense of People Who Just Don’t Give A Damn

I’m a woman. Words like, “nurturing,” “caring,” and “accepting” are all commonly used to describe women. There is an implicit understanding that women are the ones who should bend over backward and support everyone, even when doing so is completely thankless and without benefit. Add Blackness to that same womanhood and you have the expectation that you should go hungry, sleep outside, march, come in early, stay late, and pretty much sacrifice your own standard of living to make sure other people are comfortable. In social media speak, it’s referred to as “muling.”

We can all attest to having that one (or one hundred) social media acquaintance who claims moral superiority because we dare talk about someone’s Oscars gown instead of multiple posts about the newest tragedy complete with footnotes and multiple links. They start hating you when you point out that laws aren’t necessarily based on morality, reparations were never on Obama’s “to-do” list, “just start a business” isn’t a feasible economic plan, weed isn’t a cure-all, and unconscionable decisions are pretty much a part of the presidential job description. Their final straw is when they post about a two-time felon and violent criminal being killed by a prison guard and instead of following their direction to call the governor of that state, you post about the 2 for $24 3-wick candle sale at Bath & Body Works. You are then DELETED!


Unfortunately, in this era of heightened social consciousness (real or feigned), many of us refuse to deactivate our “Care” lever, and those of us who do, are often lambasted for doing so.  It just isn’t politically correct to not give a damn. If you don’t lie prostrate at the altar of social outrage about pretty much everything, you’re “part of the problem,” “stupid,” “denying your privilege,” “evil/cold-hearted,” an –ist/-phobic or some combination of any of the above. As we progress (technologically), we can be updated within seconds of everything newsworthy that happens almost anywhere in the world. This makes for a constant barrage of natural disasters, war, and bombings. It also means that we get a steady stream of sob stories, over-exaggerated cries for attention, and plain ol’ bad news. At some point, it’s just too much.

Is the IDGAF Club wrong for deciding to divest from this perpetual cycle of acrimony completely and mind their own business? I don’t think so. Further, I don’t believe that one has to throw themselves headlong into every social movement we’re presented with to be empathetic. One of the things that is repeated over and over again by SJWs is the requirement that people feel and be safe. Yet, we don’t think about the fact that for many people, it is safer for them not to invest tons of emotional and mental energy, let alone physical, into problems that are 1) ancient, 2) likely irremediable, or 3) wildly remote. In fact, a lot of the SJWs who want everybody to be concerned about everything and everybody should probably take a care sabbatical themselves (but that’s another blog post). Trying to be a caped crusader for others when you can hardly get your own life in order is imprudent and ultimately harmful.

The IDGAF Club has mastered one of the best life skills there is: picking their battles.


As a BW, I choose to focus my concern on Black women and girls. I wish everybody well in their respective struggles, but I can’t be bothered with everything that every group deems unfair; especially when those same groups have historically disregarded the struggles of my own group. The rate at which Black women are killed by intimate partners is shameful. The numbers concerning the sexual abuse of Black girls is terrifying. That’s worth my outrage. That’s worth my energy.

The fact that there are kids who can’t afford school lunch is sad. The newest gentrification crises is a bummer. But, you probably won’t see me at a march, not even a town hall; and there usually has to be a dire situation to get me to sign a Change.org petition. It’s not that I don’t care about anything. I’d just rather be selective about the problems that I spend my time, effort, or resources on.

We’re no good to any movement if we keep trying to jump into every movement.


4 thoughts on “Picking Your Battles: In Defense of People Who Just Don’t Give A Damn

  1. jonolan says:

    One of the things that is repeated over and over again by SJWs is the requirement that people feel and be safe? No, it’s not – not in the least.

    One, those SJWs don’t want any White, especially White men, and even more especially Straight, Christian, White men to be safe, much less feel safe. They want quite the opposite.

    Two, while SJWs may want the rest of you – the further from Straight, Christian, White men the better – to be safe, they don’t in any way want you to feel safe. No, they want you to feel very unsafe and to huddle together in protected enclaves.

    • thewaywarddaughterblog says:

      If you are at all familiar with the social justice community, you know that “safe space” is a mainstay in their glossary.

      Now, if you’re suggesting that safety requires the presence of white male Christians, you’re traveling a road unaccompanied, at least by me. For too many people, in virtually all eras, the world over, white male Christians have been and are their worst nightmare. But, this isn’t a social justice blog. I hope you find a movement that works for you!

      • jonolan says:

        No, I’m saying that the SJWs want their to be no safety for White male Christians and for you all to continue to believe that the only safety you can have is to be both secluded from them – your “safe spaces” – and to enact measures to drive them away or destroy them.

        Frankly, as all the statistics show, you in particular would be safer with those White males, Christian or otherwise, than you’d be among Blacks, especially their males. You’d certainly finder it easier to have better outcomes.

        But, in any event, I do feel for you. You obviously believe their rhetoric, yet they seem to treat you like a “House Negress” for being constantly, vocally angry.

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