The last two weeks have been full of news of random states where nobody lives by choice proposing or enacting highly restrictive abortion laws. Alabama, a state known for its college football team (I guess), now has a law on the books that is said to be so restrictive, it peacocks in the face of Roe v. Wade. In total, 8 states have passed abortion laws that could cause even the most ardent cycle-watchers to end up in a situation where they are left with few options should they need to terminate a pregnancy.
A part of my brilliance is that I can argue both sides of pretty much any issue. But, I’m not about to do that for free and this is a blog, not a university speakers series. I believe that everybody is in an uproar about this issue and they really don’t need to be. They need to take a page from The Wayward Daughter’s Keys To Life (not a real book but if any publishers out there want to offer me a book deal with a handsome advance, I’m up for it) and calm the fuck down and think this thing through.
Now, without further ado, I present Wayward Daughter Bill 1.1 (that’s random as I suspect most government bill numbers are)…*drumroll*
1st Session (Unless talking shit with my friends in FB messages counts)
W. D. B. 1.1
To get people to use common sense about the abortion issue and offer a solution that should make the churchy, men who think they have a say, women who are at the service of those men’s agenda, and expectant mothers who don’t want, can’t, or don’t need to be mothers happy.
IN THE BEDROOM OF THE WAYWARD DAUGHTER
Received (well if you’re talking about the initial epiphany)
Sometime back in 2005 Probably
Read the first time
Today; as I wrote it
Read the second time and placed on the calendar blog
Today; as I edited it
SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE.
This Act may be cited as the “If You Want Them So Bad, You Take Care of Them Act” (not “WaywardCare” or any of the other nonsense y’all were gonna’ start calling it cause…).
SEC. A. STATEMENT OF POLICY.
(a) Statement Of Policy.—It is the policy of The Wayward Daughter that—
(1) all United States citizens over the age of 21 who have a problem with abortion are to be entered into a national adoption draft.
Once identified as an anti-choicer, you will be involuntarily entered into the national adoption draft as a potential draftee.
Draftees cannot opt-out. Ever.
(2) once entered into the national adoption draft, draftees will be eligible to be chosen up to three times to become the parent of record of children whose mothers were not allowed to terminate their pregnancies early on.
(3) draftees cannot reject your drafting; there are no waivers for bone spurs or anything else
(4) draftees cannot choose which child(ren) you get based on…well…anything; for red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in Jesus’ sight
(5) draftees must raise the child(ren) they’re assigned through high school graduation; no exchanges. If you end up with Damien from The Omen, you better bind it and cast it out.
(6) as parent of record, draftees bear the same legal and moral responsibility as natal parents
(7) draftees will only receive $100 per month per child in food benefits; all other costs associated with raising the child(ren) are the responsibility of the draftee; don’t worry because God has a purpose for your struggle, remember?
(8) once a draftee has been assigned three children, they are relieved from future drafts; UNLESS there is an emergency…I mean, this is just based on 8 states so far.
(9) draftees who have not been assigned three children are not excused from draftability until the age of 70; no retirement for you
SEC. B. APPEALS PROCESS.
(a) APPEALS PROCESS.—It is the policy of The Wayward Daughter that—
(1) Ain’t none, bih! If you didn’t want to get drafted, you shouldn’t have gone around telling everybody you’re anti-choice.
Attest: The Wayward Daughter
Queen, Judge, Clerk, “Ugh…I Can’t Stand Her”
May 26, 2019
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