Shit I Want Employers To Stop Doing In 2020

Literally, 10 minutes ago, I was on LinkedIn after getting an email with jobs I may be interested in. I scrolled and noticed a position for a “Complaint Writer.” I read the job description carefully. Basically, when customers complain, the Complaint Writer is the one who writes the nice professional letter explaining the outcome of the complaint and its accompanying reasons. Sounds easy and frankly, as a writer, when you can find a staff position with benefits, you’ll write about jelly beans all day if you have to. 

Anywho, I get to the requirements and at the very end of the list is the requirement to know how to do v-lookups and pivot tables. Now, most of us hate Excel. I don’t particularly like Excel because I feel like it’s not catching up with the rest of us in terms of usability. At this point, v-lookup and pivot table should be two buttons you can push and not some apocalyptic formula you have to know and input. Further, I’ve had a job where I had to only work in Excel and do that v-lookup shit (which I learned at that job and immediately forgot after that job) and that job was strictly numbers. I don’t understand why I need to know v-lookups and pivot tables to write people letters about the status of their complaints.

This got me thinking: it’s time for employers to stop these nonsense pre-employment behaviors. It seems like after the recession in 2007/2008, every employer decided that they were actually doing nuclear fission and that they needed to construct some high and mighty image when none of the positions they are hiring for actually merit them. 

So, here’s my list of the shit that I want employers to stop doing in 2020.

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So, in general, school counselors must have a master’s degree in counseling plus a teaching certificate with the counseling specialty. $14.50/hr. Yeah, no.

1. Ridiculous requirements: As I mentioned earlier, it’s time for employers to stop requiring skills and background that are not relevant to the position. We’ve seen far too many companies wanting someone with a 4-year degree while only paying $17.00/hr. If the position that you’re hiring for only pays $17/hr., then trust me, a 4-year degree isn’t necessary. I have two master’s degrees. When I see a job listing that requests that level of education, I presume that the knowledge needed to execute the position well is such that one will need higher education and the salary is commensurate with that knowledge. If the job only pays $17/hr., what you’re wanting people to do ain’t that special nor hard, tbqh.

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2. Phone screens: I don’t know when it happened but this need to have applicants talk to three people on three separate occasions before you call them in for a real interview is ridiculous. In my experience, all three people ask the same thing in a different way and being the stable earth sign that I am, my answers don’t change. What I also notice is that there is often a level of disorganization present. It seems that one hand doesn’t know what the other five are doing. It feels like a popularity contest in which, instead of seeing if a candidate is qualified, it’s really more like, “I like him/her. See if you do too; then, see if Chad does too.” What a waste of time!

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3. Working interviews: Here’s the scenario: you’re called in for an interview and the questions are normal at first and get more and more specific until you realize that they are presenting you with actual problems they have and are asking you to solve them…in the interview…for free. I don’t participate in those because I see it as an underhanded way to get free labor from people who likely won’t be hired. Being a Black woman, I have to be especially careful about employers trying to use my intellectual labor without compensation; and that’s after being hired. There’s no way I’m going to let an interviewer turn me into an employment side-chick giving them what they need only for them to not commit.

4. Catchall job listings: People are trying to shape careers. This is why I find it highly irritating when employers post a job title that is very specific and when you start reading the post, you find out that they really just want someone to occupy all the other positions they can’t afford to hire different people for. It started out as a “Junior Communications Representative” and by the time you get to the end of the job description, you find out that you’re really a secretary whom they want to be able to also write flawless press releases, speak to the media on the company’s behalf, answer phones, take messages, travel to job fairs, and be on-call on the weekends. But of course, you’ll be making a secretary’s salary. I won’t start on the abusive “other duties as assigned.”

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5. Offering shitty insurance plans: You can either pay $20/month for your insurance but have a $7,500 deductible when all they are paying you is $40k/yr so that when you fall ill or need a serious surgery, you can’t pay for it anyway OR you can pay $800/month for your insurance when your net pay each month is only $2500 once your insurance is deducted, Uncle Sam gets his, your retirement is accounted for, etc. Insurance rates have risen damn near 70% while wages have risen less than 30%. Let’s not. 

6. Employee “appreciation” that doesn’t involve money: As far as I’m concerned, since the recession, the only way to appreciate an employee is money. Point blank. People wake up before dawn, sit through hellish traffic, put wear and tear on their vehicles and bodies, put up with corporate b & b (bullshit and bureaucracy) for 8-10 hours, get back in hellish traffic, and come home long enough to eat, workout, tend to their family, and go to sleep so they can do it all over the next day. Keep your pizza party. I can go bowling with people I like. There are enough streaming services to not need free movie tickets. You want to let me know you appreciate my hard work? PAY!

 

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Food Facts To Remember In 2020

We are less than 48 hours from Christmas. Then, there’ll be New Year’s. Basically, the holidays revolve around food. Since we are upon the 2nd and 3rd most important holidays of the year (the first being my birthday on the 27th), I’ve decided to help you stay as healthy as possible by offering a list of food landmines to avoid.

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LIES THEY TELL!

5. Tofu: I’m just going to give you a quote from Everyday Health about what exactly the fuck tofu is:

Tofu is made from soybeans that are ground in water, heated, and coagulated with minerals like calcium or magnesium salt. The curds are then pressed into a block, which is then sold as tofu. ”

That sounds absolutely disgusting. I mean, I don’t eat soybeans either but the notion of taking something nasty, grinding it with water, and coagulating it frankly sounds criminal. Just…stay away.

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4. Nut milks: I’m lactose intolerant…but I don’t give a shit (no pun intended). I’ll flush 15 times like Trump mentioned before I drink nuts mixed blended with water and sugar. I luuuuurve roasted almonds but I’m not finna’ drink them. The internet tries to pretend that after they do all that manufacturing magic, these nut milks are as creamy as cow’s milk. They’re lying. No, I haven’t tasted any of those nut milks. Never will. But, trust me. I’m trustworthy. I do not lie about food.

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3. Dressings, gravies, or sauces of any kind: Listen. I do like (certain brands of) BBQ sauce. I do like the lemon butter sauce with capers that they serve with the sole at Macaroni Grill. But uh-ruh…that’s about it.

I’m from the south. I grew up watching my grandma make brown and giblet gravies and watching the rest of my relatives eat it. I grew up watching people I know and respect pour Italian, French, and DRANCH (dreadful + ranch) dressing on their salads. I’m even friends with people who dip my all-time favorite food that I don’t eat anymore cause of carbs, precious pizza, into all kinds of questionable sauces like that garlic devil sauce from Papa John’s.

Because I try to display empathy, I’ve decided to offer thoughts and prayers to get them through the difficult times they must be experiencing to indulge this eating behavior. But, if I can save one person from walking this path, I will. And that’s why these foods made the list.

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Me, smelling garlic. 

2. Garlic: So, science teaches us that there is a link between our sense of smell and sense of taste. That’s why when you have a bad cold, you can’t taste anything while your nose is stopped up.

I can only hypothesize, then, that those of you who love garlic have a genetic defect in which your brain is sending inaccurate signals to your nose and taste buds. I’ve wondered for the longest how anybody could smell garlic and feel like they MUST eat it. If you sniffed the milk in your fridge and it smelled like Miss Muffet’s curds and whey that had been sitting on a hot Texas sidewalk for 3 days, you probably wouldn’t drink it. Sooooo…..I remain confused about how anybody whose senses of smell and taste are intact could possibly like garlic.

I won’t even start on you mofos who ask for extra garlic. Y’all need to wear special bracelets or something cause…

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1. Mayonnaise: Whipped eggs, vinegar, and oil. I like eggs. I like oil (well, I like cooking with oil). Vinegar…eh…But, I’ll never understand the need to whip eggs, vinegar, and oil together to create a spread and put it on other food items.

What really grinds my gears is how society has acquiesced to you people who like mayo. The fact that I have to reiterate my order at restaurants and double check before I take a bite to make sure I don’t end up with a mouth full of edible puss is annoying. Jack n’ The Box even puts mayo on their breakfast sandwiches (I found this out in high school and have never had another Jack n’ The Box breakfast sandwich again). Who the hell thinks eggs, sausage, cheese and a croissant needs a touch of mayo?

You know how people talk about not making strangers in public deal with your misbehaving kids? I feel like mayo is the food equivalent of those bad ass kids and for whatever reason, the food industry refuses to stop allowing it to come in, be loud, run all over the place, and leave a mess (on our plates).

By now, you’ve realized that this list is NOT food facts, but food opinions. But, if Fox News can do it, so can I.

Happy Holidays!

 

 

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Black Women Are Being Murdered and Nobody Cares: Remember That This Election Season

follow the Our Lives Matter page on Facebook. The woman who runs the page, Rosa Perreira, is keeping track of the number of Black women and girls that were murdered this year. At last count, the number was 795 (November). That’s 795 Black women and girls who lost their lives mostly due to male intra-community violence. To break that down even further, 795 Black women and girls have had their lives ended mostly by the hands of Black men.

Most people will never know this, however. And they’ll never know because somewhere in the mid-2010s, society’s collective consciousness was bullied into believing it’s more of a crime (at least socially) to address sex-based differences, including violence and oppression against women. Society chose to pretend that men could be women and in doing so, turned women’s rights issues into human rights issues. Abortion rights are no longer a women’s rights issue because “women have penises too” and healthcare disparities became “not only women get pregnant.” Meanwhile, Black women and girls died in the several hundreds but society chose to focus on less than 25 individuals instead.

This spilled over into politics, as we watched our beloved 44th POTUS opine that males should be able to access women’s spaces if that’s what they felt on the inside. Now, every politician looking for a vote has decided that the less than 25 were worth far more than the hundreds of Black women and girls who experience life-ending violence year after year. They decided that our deaths were not an epidemic but the less than 25 are. They decided to build this premise into their platforms while we continue to have to fight, both mentally and physically for who we are as women.

The more telling part is that the perpetrators of violence against the less than 25, are the same ones who perpetrate violence against Black women and girls. And sometimes, members of that group are perpetrating violence against us, Black women, too. Yet, only their blood seems to matter and to speak about the stark differences and underlying reasons is sin.

Well, election season is here once again. We’ve seen several Democratic candidates broach the topic of violence against a smaller segment with smaller numbers while they basically talk about Black women in reference to how much they need our votes in order to win.

I think a time-out is in order.

I don’t generally embrace political labels but in my writings, I call myself a Centrist. I’m also adamant that candidates that are too far right or too far left are unfeasible choices for public office. Now, I must state that any candidate that even implies that the TRUE epidemic of the murder of Black women and girls is not a problem; either by their silence or choosing to highlight the less than 25 instead, is a non-starter.

“We must make sure not to get lost in other hot button political issues that would serve only to use us to influence their agenda as it relates to numbers,” says Ms. Perreira. She suggests not giving our support to elected officials, even at the local level, who are not willing to put a serious focus on us. “The data speaks for itself,” she notes.

We have the ADOS movement, the #MeToo movement, the Black Lives Matter movement, the Immigrant Rights movement…when do we, as Black women, stand up and refuse to be tossed to the side? When do we start a movement about us and for us only?

In this campaign season, I’d like all Black women of voting age to think about the women and girls who have lost their lives to senseless violence and the many more who have been subjected to sexual abuse and other types of violence and decide that any candidate who is not willing to wholly and truthfully address our plight, doesn’t get to reap the benefit of us putting them in office. If they need our votes so much, make them prove it.

 

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Quick Thoughts On D. Wade, G. Union, and Internet Trolls

This has been going through my mind for a little while and the most recent incident caused me to decide to address it here.

As we know, DeWayne Wade has a son who is a part of the LGBT community. Both Wade and his wife, actress Gabrielle Union, have been vocally supportive of their son on his identity journey.

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I think this is good. I repeat, I think this is good. I felt the need to repeat and embolden that part because what I’m about to talk about may sound like I feel the opposite and I know how some of y’all can be when you don’t read exactly what you wanted to read.

There has been more than one instance where after posting family pictures, adult meanies on social media have made untoward comments about Wade and his son. These comments usually come out of the mouths of homophobic people who feel Wade should bring his son into subjection in terms of his expression of his identity. In other words, they don’t like that his son is allowed to wear fake nails, or crop tops, or whatever else these internet commentators deem feminine wares.

Usually, Wade or Union will “clap back.” They will address the meanies and talk about how they love their child and support him and it’s their business and choice to do so. They get a lot of media attention for being good parents. People pine over the way they support their son.

The question I have is, when is the clapback only adding to the insult or injury of the initial mean comments?

Let me explain. When you “clap back,” you are dignifying the comment that you’re clapping back to. You may not realize it, but when you address anything, positive, negative, or in between, you are acknowledging that even if the comment wasn’t nice or educated, it was a valid expression.

In other words, instead of letting it die at the end of the sentence, you give it a life.

At some point, I wonder if Wade and Union’s clapbacks and the subsequent praise from the media about their clapbacks is merely causing their son to relive the bigoted comments directed towards him.

For example, if I have a child and my child comes home crying and tells me that Johnny called her ugly, and I comfort the child and reaffirm her beauty, that’s good. But, if when my (imaginary) husband comes home, I tell him while we’re all eating dinner, “Johnny called her ugly today,” and then, when her grandma calls later, I get on the phone and say, “A little boy called her ugly today…” while my child is sitting next to me watching television, am I allowing my child the opportunity to sit in and absorb the reaffirmation that I gave her when I keep replaying the insult to everybody who will listen?

Now, pretend I was a celebrity with millions of followers who not only is going to clap back, but have my clapback shared by millions of followers and mass media and even end up doing an interview or two about the situation. Despite the fact that I’ve reaffirmed my child, Johnny and his ugly comment is given a life as it plays non-stop on the social media news cycle and my reaffirmed child has to keep hearing and seeing it until social media gets bored and moves on to the next piece of nonsense.

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This is my peripheral concern with Wade’s son and his parents’ need to address the ugliness that comes out on the internet. Raising children can be tricky because on the one hand, you want to be tender with them as they deserve and give them a worry-free childhood. On the other hand, you have to prepare them. You have to prepare them for the fact that some people won’t like them for no reason at all. You have to prepare them for the fact that some people will think they’re too tall, or too short, or too fat, or too thin, etc. Unfortunately, if you’re a part of a marginalized group, that goes double.

You have to teach them that the people who just want to pull them down are ultimately the people they need to avoid. In the social media era, that also means that those  commenters are the people you don’t need to spend your time clapping back at every time you decide to post a picture and they decide to be hateful.

The truth is, your clapback won’t make them abandon their bigotry, (and sickeningly enough, may gain them more popularity). And it’s likely that some of these people, no matter how much you clap back, will only make sure they show up in the comments of your next picture with similarly foul sentiments.

Am I saying they should stop posting family pictures? Absolutely not. They have the right to celebrate their family like anybody else does. I do think it’s time to stop taking the bait of randos on Instagram and Twitter with enough time on their hands to express their displeasure about a crop top.

Personally, I hope the Thanksgiving picture controversy is the last time Wade or Union feel the need to engage bigoted trolls. I think it will set a good example, not just for their own children but for the rest of us as well.

Protesting Too Much: The GOP and the Impeachement Hearings

So, many of us have been indulging in the national soap opera we call impeachment hearings. A couple of weeks ago, a cast of witnesses were brought in to testify to whether or not Trump demanded a quid pro quo from President Zelensky of Ukraine. You’ll remember that as Ambassaador Yovanovitch testified, Trump took the opportunity to talk shit about her on Twitter.

You’ll also remember Ambassador Sondland sitting with the petty bitch smirk as he rolled Trump under the bus like a bowling ball. One of the best parts was when Lieutenant Colonial Vindman had to get one of the lawmakers together about his title.

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During the impeachment inquiry, we learned that many adults in the United States of America don’t know the meaning of hearsay. We also learned that Trump is more vindictive than the proverbial woman scorned.

Then, this week, we heard from four law scholars on whether or not the framers would have considered Trump to have committed the high crimes and misdemeanors that are required for impeachment. Three said yes. One said no. The one who said he had not was clearly there for the GOP. Unfortunately for them (the GOP), he seemed like he didn’t own a television or smartphone.

What I noticed most in both sets of hearings was how the GOP lawmakers, instead of using their 5 minutes to ask questions (which is the point), decided to do soliloquies and mini-sermons instead for at least half the time.

Listen, we know y’all think this is a sham. We know y’all don’t want him impeached. The purpose of a hearing is to ask questions and get answers from witnesses that will assist you in making a final decision. We don’t need to hear from each of you how you think this is a witch hunt or being done because Schiff and Pelosi don’t like Trump.

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You would think that the GOP would remember the line about protesting too much. By using their 5 minutes to grandstand, yell, shout, and repeat the shit we read from randos on Twitter, all they’re doing is furthering the belief that there’s fuckery to hide. They sound like robots who were all programmed to say varying versions of the same thing.

If you’re really trying to find something concrete to disprove your opponent’s position, actually taking the time to formulate objective inquiry would go a long way. Instead, the GOP is content to put people like Jim Jordan on television to yell at people like a hobo on a street corner drunk off cheap bourbon in a Sears shirt with a comb over.

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But, what almost had me thinking I was about to slap somebody was when Rep. Gaetz shouted down Prof. Karlan as she attempted to answer him. Did you see that?

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When he shouted at Professor Karlan that she doesn’t “GET TO INTERRUPT” him during his time, half of which he spent doing a mini-sermon about how the Democrats are just mad at Trump and after having interrupted Prof. Karlan, I heard the African-American spiritual, “Who The Fuck You Talkin’ To,” play in my head.

I won’t even start on them boo-hooing about the reference to Barron Trump as if they didn’t sit by for 8 years and either engage in or excuse real insults against Sasha and Malia Obama.

Based on these most recent testimonies, Nancy Pelosi asked that articles of impeachment be officially drafted. I can’t wait until the trial. I sincerely hope Trump that testifies and doesn’t fold his arms like a big baby. And I’ll be live tweeting every second, especially if the GOP starts their martyr blues bullshit.

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I’ll say one thing: this shit should cause law school applications to skyrocket. If I could find a financier, I’d certainly enroll.

Any takers?

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