Tag: Election

Trump Made Fools of His Supporters and All I Can Do Is Be Petty

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By now, we know that Trump is acting like a toddler having a fit because he can’t fly like a pigeon due to his recent LOSS of the 2020 presidential election to President-Elect Joe Biden. As of the writing of this piece, he still has not conceded and if you listen to CNN, he is likely using this DEFEAT to develop a grift where he gets the same poor unfortunate souls (shout out to Ursula), to donate money to his Trump 2024 PAC.

In the wake of the election he just LOST, he has decided to pretend that there was massive election fraud that boosted the Biden/Harris ticket into victory. His lawyers, who clearly don’t care about their legal careers or reputations, have filed several lawsuits in different states and….LOST them all. It’s weird because after LOSING the election, you’d think he wouldn’t want to take the chance to LOSE consistently but without people like him, there’d be no 90 Day Fiance, My 600lb Life, nor Love After Lockup.

During my free time, I troll Trumpsters on the New York Post FB page and I find it interesting how they’ve fallen for his claims of election fraud hook, line, and sinker. None, and I do mean, none of the ones I’ve encountered are able to accept the truth, even when presented with links and other empirical sources of information. You’d think that when you tell them that even if Trump got Pennsylvania back, he’d still lose, they’d at least turn around and finish their food, but no.

This would be cute were it not for the fact that….Trump and his attorneys aren’t even claiming election fraud. I mean…they’re saying that shit on Twitter and the news but in court where it matters? Neaux.

This picture refers to Jonathan Goldstein, one of Trump’s attorneys, being questioned by a judge in Pennsylvania. Although I’m tired doing work for free for the delusional among us, here’s a link to an article about the proceedings. I mean…if I’m going to set myself to be embarrassed for pay, I’d rather become a stripper. In fact, I think Trumpsters are much better off twerking for justice in this situation because COVID is getting worse and what else am I gonna’ do inside if not be entertained?

Imagine getting into an e-argument at 2 am (DST still has my sleep wonky) with lil’ ol’ me over election fraud that your lord and savior, Darnell J’Quarius Trump, told you was happening, but he doesn’t even claim election fraud in court. Imagine donating to the Election Defense Fund set up by Trumpsters to “protect the integrity of the election” and Trump already knows the election was just fine and he’s just being a sore loser.

It’s almost like when a woman does a love post on FB dedicated to her long-term boyfriend and then his other current girlfriends show up in the comments with pictures.

Listen, I’m all for loyalty and shit but when the receipts are presented, I trust that the purchase was made and there’s no need to fight about it any further. Almost every adult who understands multi-syllabic words and works directly or indirectly with elections as affirmed that this election was the most secure ever.

Hold on a minute my producer is trying to tell me something…wha…uh-huh…really?

Wait. Trump himself said that his administration has made the 2020 election the most secure in history? That’s right folks. DJT, who got you all riled up and currently has you attending a super spreader “march” in DC, said that his administration had made the 2020 election the most secure in history from his own trout mouth. Yeah, then he said it was rigged but you know you people have no problem cropping and chopping when it suits you and neither do I.

I’m finna’ go rue the fact that it’s November and I’m sitting outside in volleyball shorts and a t-shirt but before I go, I just want to make sure you Trumpsters know that you got played. Big time. You got played so hard, you need to go on Cheaters. You need to go on a daytime talk show about people who lost all their money to an internet romance scam. You need to shut down your page and come back with a stock photo with just your middle name and mother’s maiden name. You got tv-court-show-suing-for-the-money-I-spent-thinking-this-would-turn-into-a-relationship played.

You’ll heal eventually. The heartbreak will fade away. Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla is the best comfort food. Just don’t eat too much because before Trump leaves, his new SCOTUS may kill the ACA.

Pete and Amy Are Going Home…Where They Should Have Stayed In The First Place

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Note: I legit thought about my title speaking for itself and not writing anything else. No lie.

Last night, white people’s favorite mayor and the person white Liberals claimed would lead us in a new direction, Pete Buttigieg finally ended his bid for the Democratic nomination.

About an hour ago, Amy Klobuchar ended her bid as well and according to The New York Times, plans to endorse Biden (of course).

All I can say is…thank goodness!

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First of all, don’t get it twisted. I am well aware of the fact that this is the same old DNC bullshit that went on in 2016. The same bullshit that has people like me not feeling any of this shit right now. I am so unenthused that I forgot that tomorrow is Super Tuesday and I never forget election dates.

But, I am glad that Buttigieg and Klobuchar are finally going home. I wish they’d never have shown up in the first place, to be quite honest. You can read more on why here and here and here.

I used to be a Democrat. I used to be a voter who would just choose the Democratic candidate in all races. I felt like the Republicans were largely unabashed racists and sexists and needed to be stopped at all costs.

That has changed.

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Part of what changed it was randos like Buttigieg and Klobuchar coming out of nowhere and having the audacity to pretend like they were presidential material. Pete Buttigieg, to me, was every smug white boy who whited his way into everything good that has ever happened to him. Amy Klobuchar was every white woman who makes excuses for her husband using “the n-word” and claims she wants to help women but all the women she helps are white (but she’s not racist because her kid’s one Black friend with matted locs spends the night aaaaall the time).

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And there’s a part of me that is pissed because Kamala Harris, who I felt had way more business being in the field, dropped out of the race while Amy sat there using other people’s oxygen knowing good and gatdamned well she had neither the capability nor the intention of seeing this all the way through; let alone winning.

While I do feel that anyone who meets the criteria to be president should be able to run, the Democrats made a mess of things this time around and I think they truly hurt their credibility. If the DNC can engage in the kind of fuckery that they did in 2016 and now (I mean…it’s obvious), then the DNC can throw its weight around and not allow this catch-all primary thing to happen again.

On that note, bye Pete and Amy! Hope to never hear from you again!!!

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Protesting Too Much: The GOP and the Impeachement Hearings

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So, many of us have been indulging in the national soap opera we call impeachment hearings. A couple of weeks ago, a cast of witnesses were brought in to testify to whether or not Trump demanded a quid pro quo from President Zelensky of Ukraine. You’ll remember that as Ambassaador Yovanovitch testified, Trump took the opportunity to talk shit about her on Twitter.

You’ll also remember Ambassador Sondland sitting with the petty bitch smirk as he rolled Trump under the bus like a bowling ball. One of the best parts was when Lieutenant Colonial Vindman had to get one of the lawmakers together about his title.

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During the impeachment inquiry, we learned that many adults in the United States of America don’t know the meaning of hearsay. We also learned that Trump is more vindictive than the proverbial woman scorned.

Then, this week, we heard from four law scholars on whether or not the framers would have considered Trump to have committed the high crimes and misdemeanors that are required for impeachment. Three said yes. One said no. The one who said he had not was clearly there for the GOP. Unfortunately for them (the GOP), he seemed like he didn’t own a television or smartphone.

What I noticed most in both sets of hearings was how the GOP lawmakers, instead of using their 5 minutes to ask questions (which is the point), decided to do soliloquies and mini-sermons instead for at least half the time.

Listen, we know y’all think this is a sham. We know y’all don’t want him impeached. The purpose of a hearing is to ask questions and get answers from witnesses that will assist you in making a final decision. We don’t need to hear from each of you how you think this is a witch hunt or being done because Schiff and Pelosi don’t like Trump.

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You would think that the GOP would remember the line about protesting too much. By using their 5 minutes to grandstand, yell, shout, and repeat the shit we read from randos on Twitter, all they’re doing is furthering the belief that there’s fuckery to hide. They sound like robots who were all programmed to say varying versions of the same thing.

If you’re really trying to find something concrete to disprove your opponent’s position, actually taking the time to formulate objective inquiry would go a long way. Instead, the GOP is content to put people like Jim Jordan on television to yell at people like a hobo on a street corner drunk off cheap bourbon in a Sears shirt with a comb over.

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But, what almost had me thinking I was about to slap somebody was when Rep. Gaetz shouted down Prof. Karlan as she attempted to answer him. Did you see that?

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When he shouted at Professor Karlan that she doesn’t “GET TO INTERRUPT” him during his time, half of which he spent doing a mini-sermon about how the Democrats are just mad at Trump and after having interrupted Prof. Karlan, I heard the African-American spiritual, “Who The Fuck You Talkin’ To,” play in my head.

I won’t even start on them boo-hooing about the reference to Barron Trump as if they didn’t sit by for 8 years and either engage in or excuse real insults against Sasha and Malia Obama.

Based on these most recent testimonies, Nancy Pelosi asked that articles of impeachment be officially drafted. I can’t wait until the trial. I sincerely hope Trump that testifies and doesn’t fold his arms like a big baby. And I’ll be live tweeting every second, especially if the GOP starts their martyr blues bullshit.

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I’ll say one thing: this shit should cause law school applications to skyrocket. If I could find a financier, I’d certainly enroll.

Any takers?

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Support My Ass!

Can We NOT? Rules For Election 2020

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We’re about a year out from the 2020 presidential election. Having lived through the 2016 election and the myriad e-slap fights between the people who voted for Bernie Sanders or abstained and the Hillary supporters, I feel like it’s not too early to express my desires for next year’s campaign and election cycle. 

I was hoping to wait until the Democrats had decided on a sole candidate but something deep inside me feels that we need to address this now and probably have a couple of review sessions in 2020. With that said, I present to you the top 3 things that I DO NOT want to witness during the 2020 campaign season.

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  1. Using living or dead ancestors to berate people who have decided to abstain or vote for the candidate you don’t personally care for.

Listen. We ALL know that our foreparents fought wars, died, starved, bled, etc. for our right to vote. African-Americans especially know because some of those people who went through all of white people’s bullshit to gain basic rights are still alive and kicking and have told us the stories. There’s really no need to finger-wag adults and try to use the fact that our grandparents had to sit at the back of the bus to guilt someone into voting. 

Although we may not agree with someone’s decision to not vote, it is THEIR decision, just like it’s OUR decision to exercise our vote. We can bust out 9837573 reasons to vote, and they can likely bust out the same number of reasons to abstain. And even if they cannot, it remains their option. 

And just to be petty for a minute, we do a whole lot of shit that our ancestors would frown upon but we’re grown people who deserve to have our agency respected regardless. It’s okay to be not okay with people abstaining. It’s not okay to be not okay with people exercising their choice.

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  1. Arguing with people about what they SHOULD care about when selecting their choice of candidate.

Just because you think free universal pre-k and all-genitals welcome restrooms is important doesn’t mean that everyone else does.

Trust that people can prioritize their concerns just like you did. I’ll be open and say that I don’t plan on voting for anybody who is too far left or too far right. I think that because of the climate on social media, there are candidates who are publicly applauding shit they don’t actually support (which is a huge part of politics, I get it). 

Those candidates may not get my vote. 

On top of that, arguing with someone about what should be important to them seems like more of a waste of time than contacting PayPal customer service. You can argue with me until you’re blue in the face, I don’t give a fuck about you wanting to smoke weed legally. While I think it’s stupid that weed is considered a Schedule I drug and it’s wasteful that people are doing major time for it, I don’t require a promise of legalization of it from a candidate to support him/her. 

In short, you chose your hot buttons; let others choose theirs. 

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  1. (If your chosen candidate doesn’t win) Arguing why it’s everybody else’s fault for not voting for your candidate of choice.

We saw a lot of this after Hillary lost to Donald Trump for several months after he was inaugurated. 

Hillary supporters blamed Sanders supporters for either not voting for Hillary, voting for Trump as punishment, or abstaining altogether. 

It was one of the most entertaining displays of crying over spilled milk I’d ever seen. 

But it didn’t change the outcome and here we are, three years later. 

I have no issue if you want to be known for your advocacy of a certain candidate or like to engage in intellectual chow-chow with your friends (or foes) about political strategy. But, the hostile back-and-forth with the opposing teams after the race has been decided? Let’s not. 

I understand that politics is a hot topic but if the 2016 outcome taught me anything, it’s that some of you need a triple latte, a colonic, and a reality check – severely.

Let’s try to be and do better this time around regardless of what party with which you affiliate yourself. 

Who Is He? The 2020 Election Cycle Is A Flea Market

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Well, it’s that time again! The time that, these days, never seems to not be “that time.” Elections. I can remember before He Who Shall Not Be Named won the 2016 presidential election, everybody was excited about the fact that Hillary was a sure bet to win.

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Here we are again but this time I think the collective excitement has waned.

I feel like how I felt when my AP English teacher had a heart attack on the first day of school and was temporarily replaced by another English teacher in the school who made us read and report on the longest books she could find. Eventually, we all found ourselves wondering why we couldn’t have just had a regular substitute who didn’t give a damn and at the 3-month mark, many of us became awfully religious and started praying that our regular teacher would recover. It wasn’t because we thought she would have been so much nicer but because she wasn’t the tyrant with whom we were stuck.

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Fast forward (way forward) to the 2020 election cycle, and just as I suspected, Tonald Frump’s (not an error) victory has convinced everybody who ever had more than 20 “likes” on a FB post that they, too, can be president.

Now, we have the regulars. The people we figured would run. You know, current politicians.

Elizabeth Warren, the white woman who did what every white person does when they want to make sure they aren’t a target of conversations about racism: claim Native American heritage.

Bernie Sanders, the guy who would have beat Trump in 2016 had it not been for…nevermind.

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Cory Booker.

Some white women politicians I don’t really know.

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This isn’t them…I don’t think. But they’re white so they’ll do.

Next, is Kamala Harris. Black people loved her when she was giving people the business in congressional hearings but now they hate her because when she was a prosecutor, she favored laws that punished criminals (or something like that…I’m still not clear about why we’re supposed to not like her). Also, she’s not Black anymore, her husband is white, and something about Wakanda.

There are a few other notables but then, we have random people who have decided that they are worthy of the Oval Office. We have a woman whose official job is “spiritual guru.” Apparently, she used to hang out with Oprah. Allegedly she’s down for reparations although I wouldn’t be surprised if she just wants to tell Black people to use Law of Attraction to get the back pay for all the work our ancestors did.

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There’s another guy who is a tech startup dude. He announced his candidacy before 2017 was up so he’s ON IT! He wants to give Americans $1k/mo. of guaranteed income as reparations for machines taking over jobs. That’s cute.

Then, there’s the mayor in Indiana that nobody (but the people in his city) have ever heard of before. He’s young, married, and gay. Kudos on your ambition and may the odds be ever in your favor, sir.

Let’s not forget Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks. He hasn’t officially announced but I don’t want to hear shit from him until he makes sure ALL of his baristas know what “breve” means and that handing someone one Splenda packet and no stir stick (I guess I’m supposed to stir with my middle finger) is a violation.

Lastly, there are all the famous people who have “toyed” with the notion of running for president like The Rock and Kanye West (whew chile).

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While there’s nothing wrong with self-confidence, the fact that a short-order cook screwed up my eggs doesn’t mean I’m ready to jump over the counter, throw on an apron and start whipping up Hollandaise sauce and doing flambé.

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Further, I think that most of these people are in crisis mode and think that if someone doesn’t save us from  Eonald Rump (again, not a typo), we’re all set for the mass graves conspiracy theorists say exist. But, if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that doing major shit out of fear is almost always a bad idea.

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Exclusive footage of the 2020 Democratic field of nominees.

Nonetheless, I wish the candidates luck.

 

 

 

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Why I’ll Be Omarosa’s Friend

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It’s November 15th, which makes us one week into the realization that Donald J. Trump, entertainer, and business mogul extraordinaire, will be the next president of the United States of America.

Since the night of the election that stunned many (not I) and even brought many of my peers to tears, there have been articles about disowning family members and declining Thanksgiving dinner invites due to those family members supporting Trump for president. We are to believe they didn’t know Uncle Bubba was a racist until this campaign season. I don’t.

Anyway, what has really caught my eye is an article about how Omarosa Manigault is saying she lost friends because of her stumping for Trump. She noted in a 20/20 interview that she lost connections with friends and family and even one of the women who was supposed to be a bridesmaid in her upcoming wedding decided that her friendship with Omarosa was no longer worth keeping because of Omarosa’s endorsement of Donald Trump.

While watching Omarosa cry (literally) about the politics-based loss of her personal relationships, I didn’t necessarily feel empathy for her but I did wonder how close the friends and family could have been if her choice to support Trump (which I have always assumed was at least partly a career/financial move) was their complete undoing.

During the election, I read post after post from people saying, “if you support Trump, delete me now!” I thought it was cute. First of all, if someone enjoys hanging around your page for things other than your political stances, they may not be honest about their support of the candidate you hate (which we now know is partly who led Trump to victory). Second of all, many of these people would be hard-pressed to be able to come to that same hard line if the people they were telling to exit stage right were people they had to deal with in real life.

In my mind, if you have a real life friend whose political stances vary greatly from your own, you either engage each other to gain further understanding or accept that the rift is too wide and that topic is off-limits; you don’t disown them and throw away 5, 10, 15+ years of friendship because you two are on opposite ends of the political spectrum. You definitely don’t do that with a relative with whom you’ve had a perfectly fine relationship your whole life.

There’s a common school of thought that says if you support the sexist, racist, misogynist candidate, then that means you don’t respect my humanity and can’t be trusted to be my friend. I’d agree with that if we were talking about that random FB friend from your 10th-grade year, weekend drinking buddy, or your co-worker, Susan, who you only see M-F from 8-5. If they’re attending KKK meetings on weekends, trust me, they were doing that (or considering it) before Trump entered the race. But, I feel that under certain circumstances,  when Black people are relating to other Black people, there’s room for dialogue before releasing the blade on the guillotine.

The argument can be made that by endorsing Trump, Omarosa was upholding white supremacy and practicing internalized racism. Well, so is your great aunt who keeps referring to “good” and “bad” hair. So is your cousin who has always made fun of you for having a broad nose. So are you when you patronize that brand with the clearly racist marketing campaign and that uses nearly slave labor for cheap manufacturing. No, your aunt and cousin aren’t trying to run the country and your desire for style probably won’t be the impetus for the next world war. But implications are implications and impact is impact.

With that said, if someone is our bridesmaid-level friend, we should already know each others’ heart and mind. I can’t argue if Omarosa really believes that Trump’s plans (if they exist) will help the Black community or if she just knows how to seize opportunities (we all have bills). But, I will argue that it’s nonsense to dissolve crucial relationships over who someone checked on a ballot in one of the most horrible election cycles since I’ve been eligible to vote. Your friend offers emotional support. Your friend is there when you put your loved one in the ground or when the relationship you thought would last forever falls apart. To throw that away, to me, is insane; especially when you are holding on to relationships with people who also voted for your least favorite candidate and don’t actually give a damn about you outside of what you do for them (ie. your supervisor).

So, Omarosa, if you ever read this, I’m going to give you what you should have experienced when you told your friends and family that you were supporting Donald Trump:

Girl, are you serious? You know he’s a bullshitter and probably using you for some Black votes, right?….Well, I guess. I’m probably going to go with Hillary or write-in Bernard. We’ll see how this turns out though. Good luck with that. You want to go hit up the brunch special at Mattito’s this weekend?

That, in my estimation, is how you engage a friend.

Until next time!